Just thinking… I’ve concluded that this is like it always has been, just with a few adjustments and that it’ll stay that way unless we make major adjustments.
Maybe if things were already different I could feel happy. Maybe my friends could feel happy. Maybe I wouldn’t wait two years, following around like a drooly puppy, but just go for it. Maybe I’d be content with things. Maybe I wouldn’t hate everything. Maybe I could hide the things I want hidden and show the things I want seen.
But sadly, it doesn’t work that way. And so I’ll wait till this Saturday and if I’m shot down, I’ll cower in a corner and stay there forever. I’ll be to embarrassed to see the light. Hopefully I’ll finally be drug away from reality into hideous insanity.
I can only hope and pray to an imaginary figment of false happiness that I could ever be so lucky.